Positively Mad!
by My name is Apocalypse
Summary: This is the story of Set's life. He doesn't realize how precious it is until he meets his positively mad guardian Amun-Re. He will soon come to realize the dreaded secret that had been running through his family even before he was born. Rated T because I'm a bit paranoid. *Watch out for language and love themes just in case*
1. Training with the camel-faced man

The old man was crazy. It didn't take a genius to find that out. He wore a golden crown upside-down upon his wrinkled forehead. The mark of a pharaoh. (A god-damn loopy one at that!) His ruby-red robes hung loosely around his spindly frame.

He was positively mad. I watched as he cackled, drool hanging from his gums.

I couldn't help thinking that he looked a lot like the camel he was struggling to get off of.

Amun-Re was his name, most people just called him _Ra. _This single-syllable named person was the source of everything on Egypt! It was supposed to be a rare privilege to be training with him!

Why didn't it feel like it then?

Well, firstly…..he's old. I was willing to bet that he couldn't even lift up a grain of sand! And lastly…..he was crazy! Senile even!

This morning, my mother had told me over a cup of _sahlab_ that I was training with him today.

Horus' face was priceless!

But I doubt it would remain priceless if he saw me now.

"Help me down child!" the old man rasped. I held my breath and gave him a hand.

_And boy did he smell! _

Ra gave me a wink before he pressed his golden cane into the soft earth. _Where were we? _

"We are on the banks of the river Nile!" he smiled. He looked like a turtle.

"What!" I hissed, "Have you gone mad you crazy old turd!"

He gave me a twisted smile, "No child…every god must start their path at the beginning of life. Water."

I sighed, "But Lord Ra! I am the god of chaos! Fire!" Ra shook a bony finger in my face,

"You are also the god of storms, Seth." he said crookedly, "There can be no storm without water." I rolled my eyes. Ra poked my leg with his cane. "Look Seth. See the water, if you try to push it away from the sand, the water comes again to fill the bond." he gazed at me, "What can we learn from this Seth?"

I glared at the old man, "Set." I said harshly, "My name is Set. _Not Seth." _I dug my toe into the wet sand by the banks of the river,

Ra smiled, "I was just like you Seth….er, Set."

I shuddered.

"I always used to insist that people called me Ra." he twisted his cane in his hands, "You might be wondering what sort of training you'll get today, it's going to be spiritual training first. To clear your mind." I gaped at the old man. If Horus saw me now… "First up." Ra croaked, "Be social."

I withered, "Ra! This is _training! _Not a course on _personality enhancement!"_ Ra cackled,

"You think of it that way…but if you are in war, you need allies right? Go. Socialize."

I rolled my eyes, "Who do I socialize with then? Hm? A mortal? A magician? Who else is on the list of people that hunt for my skin?"

Ra pursed his lips, "What about those boys over there? They seem nice." I sighed, _this old man dragged me half-way through Egypt across the banks of the Nile to socialize with boys._

I slunk over to the boys, both were chatting away. There was a girl kneeling at their feet, playing with…_dolls?_

"Horus?" I said, "Is that you?" Horus face palmed and gave the other, green-faced guy a look that dripped with _oh-yeah-this-guy-is-my-less-cooler-brother-I-forgot-to-mention! _

"Set?" He whispered, "What are you doing? I thought you were training with Ra!" I sighed,

"This is training." I hissed, "Socialization."

Horus snorted, "Finally." I snarled at him.

"So….Horus." the green-faced guy said, "Who…"

"My brother, Set."

"Oh, you wanna go train now then?"

"Sure let's go."

"Oh..my sister. Set, could you play with her while we're gone?" I narrowed my eyes,

"I don't _play _with girls." I said, out of the corner of my eyes I saw Horus trying not to laugh.

"Please? She's little…she won't do no harm!" I sighed,

"Might as well…." I said to him, defeated. The guy smiled,

"Thanks!" he beamed. He and Horus went running at top speed. I suspected that they might have wanted to ditch the girl and run off somewhere. I looked around for Ra. I saw him sitting at the banks of the Nile. _The girl can play with herself. _I thought, I walked towards Ra.

"Hello? Sir? Are you leaving?" I heard someone chirp behind me. I turned to face the girl. "Is that your father?" she asked.

"No." I replied, "He's my guardian."

"Can you play tea-party with me?" she beckoned. "I forgot to bring dolls." I could imagine Horus' cackling if I ever told him…or if he saw me.

"Sorry kid." I said, "I-"

"It's okay." she replied, "No one wants to play with me. I'm weird."

My heart sunk, "Fine." I said, "I'll play."


	2. A tea-party full of surprises

I sat cross-legged in front of the girl as she handed me a china tea cup. She poured me hot _sahlab_.

"Oh." I said, "You pour real tea?" she nodded sadly,

"It seems as if though most of the time my dolls refuse to drink it." she shook her head, "I've got only two at home. Nefertari and Nefertiti."

I smiled, "Your brother doesn't play with you?" she shook her head again, I struggled to see her face behind the curtain of black hair.

"I don't play with anyone usually." she said, "There's no girl alive who wants to play with me." I frowned.

"Don't you ever put up your hair child?" I said, "I can hardly see your face!" the girl pulled out a wooden hair clip and pinned her hair loosely up in a bun.

"Sorry. I don't have a mother…my father doesn't like to comb hair." I was taken aback at her face. I drew in a sharp breath. Her skin was fair, unlike the rest of the egyptian goddesses who had d attractive bronzed skin. Her lips were a pale coral, her eyes were a shocking purple.

"Oh my." I whispered. She smiled ruefully,

"I have the worst skin….I don't have coppery skin like other girls….or golden eyes either." she sipped her cold _sahlab, "_That's why they don't play with me."

"No!" I said, "You have a beautiful complexion! Don't you know that it's the fashion abroad?"

She shook her head, "It may be fashionable abroad but not here." She stretched out her arm to me, "We have not met properly, Sir. I am called Nephthys, maiden of the Nile. Daughter of Geb, the Earth."

I shook her hand, "I am Set. God of storms, sand, fire and- _chaos"_ I whispered the last part. Nephthys shivered. "Son of Nut, the sky." I sipped my _sahlab, _"I have a sister, you know? Isis. I can set up a play-date for you two."

"Oh would you?" she beamed, I nodded.

"How old are you?" I asked,

"Thirteen." she replied, pouring herself more _sahlab. _

"Thirteen!" I gasped, "And yet you play with dolls?"

"I have no one else Set. You must understand."

"Of course. I do. " She looked down at our hands. Still frozen in mid-shake, "I'll get you a play-date with Isis. It's a promise." I urged. "And besides, my arms are much whiter than yours!" I said.

"How is it possible Set?" she pressed, "For two people in all of Egypt to have pale skin?"

"Who knows?" I replied. "There might be others with the same skin tone!"

Nephthys smiled and released the hand-shake. It embarrassed me to remember that I hadn't done so previously.

We drank the rest of the _sahlab _in silence.


	3. Lost: Chapter transitioner

Horus and Osiris spent five hours doing whatever it was they were doing. They came to relieve me of my baby-sitting duty at sundown. I stood up and straightened by robes,

"About time." I snarled to Horus, he smiled.

"It seems to me, you were having a good time!" he teased

"Shut up feather-face." I blushed, looking for Ra. "How do we get out of here? Ra's left!"

Horus seemed to be considering this for the first time, "Oh god…Thoth's left too!"

I shrugged, "Come on Horus. It's our problem and ours to solve." I pulled him by his collar, "Good day Nephthys." I said, nodding to the girl, "You too baldy."

* * *

**Sorry about the small chapter guys! It's not a teaser! I swear! XD**

**Lost they are and lost they will be...cliffhanger alert!**


	4. Discussions

***3rd Person for this chapter***

Thoth laid back in his straw chair, using the razor tip of his _bennu _feather quill to etch hieroglyphs into the silver slab.

"Thoth!" A voice said, "Where is Horus? Nut has gone mad looking for him!"

Thoth smiled at the slender figure, "If you looked closer, you would have probably found him! Having so many allies everywhere and all…"

"Thoth." she said, "Horus is _your_ pupil. You have charge over him. Nut will murder if she doesn't get him back."

Thoth continued working, "It is their mission to get back home Bast, don't you understand the meaning of training? It gives them a chance to experience life!"

"Well life isn't throwing two guys who can't stand each other into Egypt with no money, no powers _yet _and absolutely NO ALLIES!"

Thoth blinked looking at the feet of the goddess, "There are many more interesting things to talk about, Bast. Have a seat."

Bast sighed and took a seat, "What are you working on." she deadpanned.

"A new book." Thoth replied.

"What is it called?" the goddess said, "Will you publish it?"

"Publish!" he laughed, "If I published this, it would be apocalyptic!" he stroked the silver slab, "Bast, this is the book of the dead."

Bast gazed at the warm fire in the fireplace and started to nod off lulled by the scraping noises made by the quill point against the metal.

She was startled by a harsh _meowing _noise.

She stretched and looked at the floor to face a small, grey cat gazing up at her with warm green eyes.

_'Mistress I've found them.' _ It said with it's eyes,

_'Watch after them, my faithful cat.' _she replied, _'Let them find their way home.' _ The cat gave a solemn nod and trotted away. Thoth smiled,

"You have a knack for talking to people with your eyes don't you?" he said, "People say that eyes are windows to the soul."

"I can only talk to cats that way, Thoth." she said.

"Not necessarily." Thoth replied. "I can see your feelings through your eyes."

Bast blushed, "Oh, I should report to father." she said, diverting the topic, "He's been worrying about our dear Set. See you during dinner." she started out the door.

Thoth smirked to himself, "I'll bring the tuna." he said. Bast rolled her eyes,

"Funny." she said. "Very."

Thoth was left alone to work.

* * *

**Yay! My favorite couple! I was also requested to write about them **

** O.k guys, I admit. This was a filler, *hides* I'm in a bit of writer's block now! Hope it gets better! **


	5. The Nakia

"Im hungry SET!" Horus wailed, I clutched my head.

"Come on Horus, grab your knife….AND EAT MY HEART OUT!" I said. It was fifteenth time he had told me about his hunger, "Oh come on, don't give me the look. You should have thought a bit further before coming so far inland to party with a friend when you know your master is writing a book and cares less about what happens to you."

"Shut up Set." he said, "Let's go ask some hospitable people if they'll share a bed with us."

"I'm pretty sure no one is so hospitable to let us both sleep with them." I said, "Much less you."

"You're impossible!" he said as I laughed, "I meant like….you know, let us sleep over for awhile!" he stopped trying when he realized that my laughter wasn't dying down. "Look!" he then said, trying to divert the topic, "A village! We could go there!"

I nodded consent, "For once, I think you're right."

We trudged over to the small settlement. The women were outside the houses, making wine and butter. Horus bent down to one of them,

"Do you think maybe you could spare some food and shelter for two tired travelers?" he asked. The woman smiled and nodded.

"This is village _Nakia." _she said, flashing her red eyes, "Home of the pure and faithful. We will pay hospitable to travelers."

I looked around, "Where are the men?" I asked, the woman giggled.

"Men are fools!" she said, "We no like men. We only hospitable to travelers!" I felt uneasy,

"Of course," Horus said, "Men are idiots, we are only boys of course!"

The woman smiled, "_Netri!" _she called, "_Take these men to guest hut!"_

A beautiful girl got up from the bunch and gestured for us to follow her. She took us to an empty hut and poured us wine.

"Drink." she said, more like an order. Horus took a long sip from his chalice, _idiot! _I thought, _he really drinks what a strange woman forces him to drink! _The girl smiled and satisfied, left the hut. Horus spit the wine into his chalice and wiped the inside of his mouth with his linen shirt

"Thank god!" I said, "You _actually _have a brain!"

"We have to get out of here Set!" he said, panicked.

"Why?" I teased, "I sort of like the bit about a bunch of virgin women letting us sleep in their village!"

"They're a cult!" he said, hushed. "Thoth told me about them! The _Nakia _women were created by Ra a long time ago when the people refused to listen to him. They were led by a fierce woman named, _Sekhmet."_

"You mean _Bast's sister?" _I said, "_She has a cult!?"_

"Yes!" Horus said, "They kill men! And squeeze the _bloody hell _out of them to make wine!"

I gagged, "So that ick stuff they put in the cup….was man blood!"

Horus nodded slowly.

"We need to escape!"

* * *

**Ah! Egyptian names are so hard to come up with! O.k, I'll update soon dudes. (Says this even though I know that no one is reading this!)**


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